Confessions of My Alter Ego

Confessions of My Alter Ego

In my life I suffer from my own discontentment. I don’t feel free. I feel lost. I feel trapped. Am I skeptical about my own identity? Do I know who I really am? Everyday I ask these questions while trying to find a solution to my unending problems. One night while I was drowning in the endless sea of my imagination, I hurriedly switched back to the unnerving presence of reality. I thought of the earth’s primordial appearance. Oh how beautiful it was. I enjoyed its wondrous beauty. I immediately compared it to its present phase. Currently, the Earth is full of malevolence, deceit and cynicism. But if we look on the brighter side of it the Earth is still magnificent. What I’m trying to imply here is connected to me. I’m hiding myself in a blanket of shadows. I only show people my outer cover or should I say “shell”. I’m depriving myself from being me! Why am I scared to show who I really am from within? Is it because of intimidation… discrimination… underestimation… insensitive judgment? As of today I live in my own world. For now I can’t face reality. I can’t change myself at this very moment. In our quest for change sometimes we stumble upon obstructions that hinder the process of changing. We have to overcome them. “We should pass through the fire to have what we desire”. My mind is puzzled right now even though I have clarified a few things to myself. Questions then again pop into my mind. Is it possible for me to change or am I only stopping my self from changing?